Yesterday morning, whilst getting ready to go and meet some ladies from my Non-Mum Network Facebook group, women I’d never met before, I asked myself:
“Shall I wear my Non-Mum Network t-shirt today?”
An innocent enough question, right? But it wasn’t as simple as that. I had to take myself on a whole internal journey around the houses to decide, battling with various imposters in my mind telling me I shouldn’t, couldn’t…mustn’t…(what would they think? That I’m self-important; up myself; arrogant; trying to sell to them?! ) then deal with other voices telling me to “just bloody do it!” (If you don’t wear it they’ll wonder why…perhaps they’ll assume they’re rubbish quality, and that I wouldn’t even wear them myself…) then make a decision against my better judgement (wear it!) then another (don’t!) and then justify that decision to myself. Sound exhausting? It was. It is! Especially when this mental back and forth goes on all day long, every single day, like a never-ending game of head-tennis – and sometimes over the most inconsequential of decisions.
However, lately I’ve made a conscious decision: ignore that negative inner voice which is trying to protect me from harm, but is actually just keeping me paralysed by fear, afraid of moving forward…and just crack on with doing the things I want to in life instead. It’s been a revelation!
Watching my beloved dad get sick and deteriorate so quickly and in such a shocking way before passing away in March has been the catalyst for this massive change. I was with Dad when he passed, and nothing drives the message home more forcefully about just how little time you have on this earth than watching another person (especially someone you love) draw their last breath 🥺.
So now I’ve decided to live more boldly, for Dad – or should I say for me, but as Dad would have wanted me to. I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone by sending the book I’ve written (which my internal – eternal – pessimist feared might not be good enough) to some agents. I’d been talking about creating a Non-Mum Network merch line for ages, but didn’t know where to start. I’d come up with my logo at the end of last year, so now I forced myself to open my laptop, take a deep breath and navigate the entire end-to-end process of coming up with a colour scheme, creating designs and setting up and selling my own merch line. I also designed and set up the site to sell it on (I am quite a technophobe, so this was daunting too). I have no idea if it will be a success; if people will wear my creations, or whether any agent will pick up my book.
But one thing’s for certain: if you don’t try, you’ll never know. Life’s far too short for regrets, and they say you only regret the things you don’t do.
So if fear is holding you back, punch it in the face and do the thing you really want to anyway. Or at least try. And did I wear the t-shirt in the end?
You bet your ass I did! 😉
Sam x
