Anise’s Story

I’m Anise Eden, and I am a novelist and social work educator. I recently crossed over into my fifties! While I am originally from the US, I now live in beautiful County Cork, Ireland. Here is my website.

 

I was never someone who “always wanted to be a mother.” My dreams always centered around other things, like romance and friendship, writing and being a psychotherapist (my first career). That said, after I got married, motherhood seemed like the natural next step, and I was excited about it — then shocked to discover it had likely never been an option for me due to severe endometriosis, with which I’d suffered since age 15. After trying to conceive for a number of years, I had to have a hysterectomy. Adoption was not an option due to family health issues. The closing of that “motherhood” door brought up a lot of difficult emotions, like grief, guilt, and feeling a bit lost in terms of my life’s purpose. Being a very spiritual person helped, as did my belief that things work out as they are meant to. What helped the most, though, was being surrounded by loving, sensitive, and supportive people in my husband, family, and friends.

 

Now that I’m into my fifties, my CNBC circumstance is both easier and harder. Easier, in that no one has any expectations that I’m going to become a mother now, so I don’t have to field those questions anymore. Harder, because as friends and family members around my age celebrate their children’s early-adulthood milestones, I am again reminded of what I’ve missed on the road less traveled. Most days, I am not focussed on my childless status, however; I’m busy going about my life, hanging out with my husband and our dog, talking to family and friends, teaching, and writing my next romantic thriller. I have found writing to be not only a wonderful creative outlet, but also a way to leave a legacy and shine a light on mental health and other issues I care about, with the hope of raising awareness and increasing compassion and empathy.